Slush and Puppies.

It’s been snowing the last few days, lining the skyscrapers with a fine white film and the parks with a romantic festive crisp. Eh, no. It seems even snow is tarnished here in smog-land, falling like volcanic ash or a recent nuclear fall-out. The streets are like Ypres with all the slush and mud and I have to dress like Roald Amundsen just to get to the shops. Slowly, the snow is beginning to lie but it’s not like I can go sledging anytime soon as Shanghai is flatter than Belgium. Never mind.

We’ve been having dramas at work, which have kept things interesting. One of our teachers (so 25% of the teaching workforce) is being fired for no other reason than he’s a bit crap. His replacement is arriving imminently and my teaching assistant Gaea who has seen a photo, says he looks like just like me as he is “pink and fat.” Honestly, they do a good line in being direct here. My mate Ben was watching The Invention of Lying with Gaea the other day, a movie where people can’t tell a lie and are instead brutally honest to each other in every regard. Ben was chuckling away at the barbed insults while Gaea sat there emotionless. This wasn’t a comedy for her, it was a documentary. Anyway, crap teacher is gone, which is a shame as he’s a nice guy with an impressive moustache for a 23 year old (I’m just jealous of any decent facial hair). Also leaving us is the tiny Chihuahua dog we’ve been looking after while our English mate is back home. She’s called Missy and she’s horrific. Not a fan of small handbag dogs at the best of times, this one looks like a hairy frog or a baby Yoda and pees and craps everywhere. Getting back from work is like going on an Easter egg hunt. We’ve found nuggets of poo under tables, under beds, in the shower and best of all, in my room-mate’s dirty washing. Adding fuel to the fire, the wee bastard is also on heat, so she’s frequently trying to shag the teddy bear in the corner. The poor stuffed toy was there when we moved in and I’m sure it hadn’t bargained for this. It would make an interesting sequel to the Toy Story movies if one of the care-bears broke down after being repeatedly raped by a miniature dog.

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